


Nook Breath

by lactoria



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humor, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 23:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lactoria/pseuds/lactoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever told Kankri...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nook Breath

No one, aside from Porrim, has ever been brave or patient enough to counter, educate or suggest anything to Kankri Vantas.  No one wants to oppose him in any manner and risk his wordy wrath.  Not even the dead have that kind of time to waste.  
  
Most importantly, no one ever taught Kankri the little things that matter so much.  
  
Post-coital hygiene is one of those things that should never be taken for granted, and it’s painfully obvious when one is remiss in this practice.  
  
No one ever told Kankri that after eating out your partner you should follow up with mouthwash.  
  
Then again Kankri never required this knowledge given his stalwart vow of celibacy.  
  
It didn’t take long for him to encounter Cronus and Meenah locked in an argument that demanded his intervention.  
  
He physically wedged himself between them, staying them both with a gentle hand on each of their shoulders.  
  
Kankri leans in and fixes Cronus with a stern glower.  
  
"Now, now, what have I told you two about using such foul language?  She is a lady, Cronus."  
  
He turns, leaving Cronus with a case of flyaway eyebrows, and leans close to Meenah to make sure he has her full attention.  
  
"And Meenah, you should not belittle Cronus and use slurs simply because you do not believe in otherkin—"  
  
"WOAH!"  Meenah brushes off Kankri’s hand and recoils, gaping.  
  
Cronus laughs.  
  
"Did you smell that too?"  
  
"Oh my COD, when did you start gettin’ some??"  
  
Kankri furrows his brow and analyzes the fish-girl’s face.  
  
"I… what…?"  
  
Cronus stoops to retrieve his cigarette he lost in a bout of laughter.  
  
"Kan, seriously, the last thing I’d be thinkin’ about doin’ is deliverin’ lectures after eating out some sweet nook."  
  
Kankri gasps and Meenah shoves him into Cronus.  
  
"I’m not gonna stand here and huff nook breath.  I’ma ollie out a this bitch."  
  
"—-!"  He wants to speak, but he’s dumbfounded, humiliated, stupefied and speechless.  Kankri’s face is lit up a bright red after finally putting two and two together.  Cronus leers at him and before he can even open his mouth to ask the golden question ( _whose nook_ ) Kankri is muttering some kind of lame alibi as he excuses himself from the conversation.  
  
Let it be known that this is the first time Kankri has ever ducked out of his own lecture.


End file.
